Advice about dealing with a relationship break up and learning to move on
Dealing with a relationship break up is often really hard to deal with. It could be said that in some ways it is like dealing with a bereavement as the relationship has "died", so do not be hard on yourself if you are finding the relationship break up difficult.
What also makes it harder is that is can be a real mix of opposing emotions - you may miss them in some respects but not in others; you may hate them but love them at the same time. It can be endless and every relationship is different.
How to deal with the relationship break up
So what should you do now? First of all the most important thing which is your health. It can help to concentrate on doing simple things and looking after yourself. Try and eat well, treat yourself to the odd nice meal and try to sleep well. But trying to sleep can be the most difficult bit because everywhere is quiet, you've got nothing to occupy your mind like in the day time, and your mind may now be very active thinking of what went wrong in the relationship, why they acted like they did, you miss them; any number of things, it can be really hard. Try reading a light-hearted book before you go to sleep to give your imagination something to keep busy or watch something funny on TV.
Don't cut yourself off from the world, don't forget your friends and family. Meet up with friends and family, it can help remember funny happy memories. Make some plans for the near future to give yourself something to look forward to. Friends are important to remind you there's also other enjoyable things to life (although it may not going to feel like that at the time). Friends are also good to give a rational viewpoint and someone to have a chat with to relieve the stress and get things of your chest to help you moving on.
All in good time
"Time is a good healer"; "there's plenty more fish in the sea". Although these two common phrases can be annoying to hear at a time soon after a relationship break up when you're trying to get over a relationship break up and trying to move on because you may not think it can get easier and you may think you don't want anyone else! But at the same time these two phrases are common phrases for the very reason that they are used a lot and it could be seen that the reason they're used a lot is because they are often true!
A relationship on the rebound?
Finding somebody else can be a way to help moving on, although it may help to be very cautious about this. First of all there's the "going on the rebound" issue where you can find yourself with someone entirely unsuitable and you may feel even worse. Although alternatively at the same time, it could be considered that this could be seen as a good thing, meeting, going out with and dating different kinds of people can broaden your horizon. Secondly you can end up just looking for and finding someone similar to your previous partner which may not be a good idea as you may get mixed emotions and find it harder to move on from your previous relationship.
Getting back with an ex?
What happens if you end up trying to get your ex back or getting back together? Is this a good idea? There are many pros and cons to this:
- maybe whilst you've had time apart you've been able to re-evaluate things, thoughts, emotions, actions and actually what you might have argued about wasn't important even though you thought so at the time...but then again it might just remind you why the relationship broke up.
- say they broke up with you, why should you get back together? Maybe they did it for the best for both of you, even though it was them that made the conscious decision to end the relationship and break up.
The article Getting back with an ex may be a help for more information.
As a summary, it can depend what stage you're at after the relationship break up but it may help that the things to remember is to look after yourself, remember to talk your friends and family and try and have a positive outlook which hopefully could provide some help to rationalise thoughts and emotions to help you move on.