Get your ex back and getting back with an ex

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Do you want to get back with your ex

DatingAllHours - Get your ex back

Often there can seem to be a stigma with trying to get back together with your ex but there can be many reasonable reasons for wanting to get back together with your ex. Maybe you've both had time apart to re-assess your relationship or it's been a while apart and you've both had time to mature and reflect a little. Whatever the reason, it can be worth considering giving it a try especially as otherwise if you never try you may never know. Sometimes it can by no means be easy to get back together, as if you do start going out again you've got to get over the "honeymoon" period to remember fully and properly why you broke up in the first place.

This can be very difficult to navigate through the challenges that lay ahead as the main difference between this relationship and a brand new relationship is you could be starting from a negative position instead of a neutral one. It may be likely that one person will be driving this relationship at first until you move on from the problems from before but it can be really worth it. You may have some good trust between you, the genuine honest love between you is still strong, you know each others not-so-good points and let's be honest we all have them, it's about how we deal with them. Sometimes it's not about making a definite decision to get back with someone, you may just have this "feeling" it may not be rational but you could be thinking "why not give it a go?". It may help to be prepared to compromise your pride and ego because if you're the one who initiated the get-back-together you may question this when times aren't so good, or your friends and family question it. Unfortunately you may have to be more patient than you would with another relationship, because as mentioned before your relationship could be starting from a "negative" position.

Is it a good idea to get back together with your ex, your old partner?

Only you can answer this but that still doesn't necessarily mean you should try it again. Before you consider trying it, try rationally writing a list of good and bad points from the previous relationship that you can remember - what do you remember really not liking or enjoying about the old relationship and what was the single most enjoyable thing you liked about your ex boyfriend/girlfriend, what were the really good times? It can be really difficult because it can be really hard to be rational about this, especially when emotions are involved, but going through the process can potentially be helpful and useful for the future and to help you decide if to get back together with an ex.

How to restart a relationship with an ex

It may not be needed for you to have to specifically decide that you want to get back together with an ex, or you may have already decided to risk it and give it another go, either way it may be useful at this stage to try things out, "test the water" and meet up casually and subtly, just the two of you. See how it goes - do you still get on, still enjoy each other's company, still have a nice time, you can be yourself, feel comfortable? Is there a feeling of more than just friends still? Do you think you're both still attracted to one another? Do you know that they are still single? Is there still a "spark", is there still chemistry in the the relationship between you?

It's probably always going to be risky going to the next stage and asking if they want to go out on a date and you're probably going to be taking on some risk and "going out on a limb" but if you've answered yes to some of the questions before there's a better chance that you might have a positive reaction. It may be best to give your ex a way out and be flexible because there could be a number of reasons why your ex partner cannot/will not get back with you, for example, if they've only recently been exploring other relationships, or not quite ready yet to get back together. If the answer is not what you were hoping for try not to take it to heart too much and take it too seriously, this is a difficult situation for both of you and also you both might just need some time to think it over having talked about getting back together. If it is a positive reaction, that's great although it could be said that now the hard work starts.

What to do once you've got back together

Well first enjoy being with someone you know, maybe you will reminisce the good times, you know what they like and don't like. I suppose there are a few things to concentrate on which may be of help at this time - dealing with what your friends and family think and dealing with if the past/old relationship comes back to cause issues.

Advice from friends and family

It may be helpful to bear in mind with friends and family is that their priority is normally your happiness and well-being so if you they say things you don't want to hear and you don't think is helpful and you have heated debates, try to keep in the front of your mind that they care about you and want to see you happy. It can be difficult to look at things rationally when emotions are involved and you are close to the situation and it could be said that relationships are no different. So it might be an idea to try and use your friends and family as a source of this rational advice, encourage them to justify their opinions to get them to help you rationalize things and also try and extract the key theme of their advice. Although I would not want to indicate that advice you receive from friends and family is going to negative in relation to getting back with an ex, an old boyfriend/girlfriend, they may be really pleased to see you back together, with common phrases arising of "why did you ever break up?", "I always thought one day you might get back together". However they will still want to see you happy so their thoughts, opinions, advice may be more subtle so if you want or value that information from them you may have to be more alert to their subtle signs especially as they may not want to interfere and think they are interfering.

Dealing with previous relationship problems

There can be two major issues, first of all the actual problem, the issue you both never resolved; you both may not have changed much so they may have some of those same annoying traits which you'd figured a way to deal with. The second major issue is you both probably can't remember accurately what exactly the problem was from the previous relationship (or the problem that you are still a little bit angry or annoyed about) or how it arose and then how you both perhaps agreed to move on from it. So not only do you have the problem to overcome but also differences in how you both remember the situation, the issues, who may have been at fault.

It may help as a way to face both of these major issues and to deal with them is to recognize that you both may have got it wrong because you cannot remember it properly but don't forget the great thing that you now have the opportunity to get over them or move on from them. Or simply it may be wise to just try to forget about them since it is this relationship you are in now not the old relationship. Whatever you do, it can be difficult restarting a relationship so compromise and patience may be needed.

What happens if they don't want to try again

You still like them, you want to try again but they don't want to try again. This can be frustrating, you may have to deal with rejection (dealing with rejection article may be able to provide some help), you may blame them, you may blame yourself "why did we ever break up in the first place" but it was likely to always be a difficult situation. As I mentioned above, there may be any number of reasons why your ex partner does not want to get back together with you at the moment, or at all. You decided to take a risk to look into giving the relationship another try and it hasn't worked out or paid off, but even though this is difficult to deal with and you may wonder why you ever thought it was a good idea to give a relationship with your ex another go, to try and get your ex back, you've had a try and you may not be thinking in the future "what if I had given the relationship another go".

What about if it doesn't work out after getting back with your ex

Relationships can be really difficult and although you think/you thought you were good together there are so many factors which go together into making a relationship work. It can be really sad as you might still like each other, still love each other but the relationship doesn't work. People can be extremely complex and bringing the two of you together in relationship may not link with what you both want from a relationship, or look for in a relationship, may have different values and beliefs. People can change over time in what they want and how they act with regard to their changing lives and lifestyles. This can contribute to helping or hindering a relationship. You might be able to take comfort in knowing that you've tried.

Getting back with an ex can have its pros and cons, from remembering how much you like one another with all the passion and the trust, to finding that this relationship is perhaps a little harder work than other relationships from having the deal with unresolved problems. Whatever the outcome good luck with it.

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